What is the lesson I’m supposed to get?
I’m sure there is a lesson in all that’s been happening to me in the last 2+ months. I just keep praying and meditating that the answer comes before even more happens. I don’t really want to repeat this lesson. Maybe I can list what’s been happening and see if there is a recurring theme?
1. June 1 or ? I’m not feeling well, my sinuses are acting up.
2. My 77 y/o mother dies on June 7.
3. Sinuses still acting up, but still not sure....is it a cold, allergies, infection?
4. I go see my pain management doctor and tell her, when asked, that the only change since our last visit is that I’ve chosen a new primary care physician again! and advise her of said doctor and she looks at me with a HUGE smile and says “she’s my cousin!” And then she tells me stories of them taking turns immigrating to the US from Iran, with her younger cousin coming much sooner than she. We laugh and I think ‘wow, there might be something to this ‘miracle’ thing.’ I tell her I don’t feel well, she says it could very well be stress due to mom’s death and I think, ‘yeah she could be right, but I think I felt bad prior, didn’t I?’
5. I go for my first visit with my new primary care, tell her of the story of where I’m going for pain management, and half way through she’s guessed that I’m about to tell her that I’m seeing her cousin! Big smile on her face! And again I think......’miracle?’ I get a referral for a mammogram (yikes). She agrees she will fill my other prescriptions. We set up an appointment for a complete physical almost 2 months away and she tells me to come fasting so they can take blood. Tell her I’m feeling kinda crummy and again it’s blamed on mom’s death.
6. I finally decide out of the 6-8 places I can go for a mammogram, call them and make an appointment just 2 days away. For the first time it didn’t hurt! In my life! I ended up bruising (which never happened before) but think, ‘that’s nothing compared to me almost passing out!’
7. I start having constant painful headaches and then my whole face starts hurting, so I realize I have a sinus infection. Get into primary earlier that she expected (she acted surprised) and get a diagnosis of a sinus infection. Fill an rx for antibiotics. Take then for 10 days and feel a ton better (these antibiotics worked better than any EVER have)......’another miracle?’
8. About 4-5 days later I get a terrible sore throat and lymph nodes in neck get a little sore. I start taking my homemade concoction, and in a couple days the sore throat stops and I feel better. Another miracle??? hmmmm......
9. On 7-27 I go grocery shopping and it’s a larger than normal trip as I haven’t been able to go with my sinuses making me so sick and multiple doctor appointments. I realize I’m in a ton of pain, much more than normal. The new few days I spend in a bad Fibro flare and think (you’ve got to be kidding me right?)
10. This brings me to Friday 8-3-18. I’m really busy trying to get caught up with housework, bills, etc. Somehow I even managed to go to run several errands and get my hair cut. I didn’t have time earlier in the day, so at night I sit down at my pc to do a meditation with Oprah and Deepak Chopra. I get all comfy in my chair, do the meditation, wake up not knowing where I am or what happened. I quickly swerve my chair to the left, jump up, and jumping up a little too fast I fall to my left and end up breaking my fall on the desk with my left rib cage!!!! OMFG!!! Such pain I felt!!! I’m telling myself, don’t scream........you’ll wake Rick up. I grab my left side and slowly slither into bed, whimpering but thinking ‘I’ll be ok in the morning’ and deciding to just go to sleep, I look at the time and it’s past midnight. I went to sleep in my chair (and I’ve never been able to do that) and slept for 1 1/2 to 2 hours!! Oh my!
11.Thankful that Rick’s plans changed and he did not go to South Carolina for the weekend, I got up the next morning, yelling in agony, holding my left side. Went into the kitchen where I found Rick, told him what happened, and he immediately tells me to go lie back down and he gets an ice pack put together and brings to me. ‘Ok universe, just what the crap are you trying to tell me....what is the lesson here with my body and my health?’ Between taking my mandatory meds and eating very little, I spend the weekend mainly in bed, being iced. Between icings, I get up and try to do stuff that needs to be done, but I’m moving at a snail’s pace, but I have to wait for the ice pack to freeze back.
12. I actually got up on Monday, tried to ice myself while eating breakfast.....not an easy feat....had the ice pack propped up by pillows up on my left rib cage while sitting on the sofa eating. Ended up with cramps in my upper arm and shoulder as I found myself holding my ice park tightly against myself with my arm. Oh the cramps hurt!!! Note to self: don’t do that AGAIN! I proceed to get myself cleaned up and go to CVS to fill 2 prescriptions and I’m yelling as I get in and out of the car due to pain and I’m walking like I’m 100 years old. I get home about the same time Rick’s home from work and I get back into bed and let him put the large ice pack back on me until dinner time.
13. I’m debating as to whether I should cancel my primary doctor appointment the next day, the 7th, but decide that it would be a smart move to let the doctor check out my ribs, so I go to my appointment, but this time I’m smart and carry a little pillow to press against my rib cage. A woman knows what a ‘physical’ means, so I had to be prepared to try to lie back on the examining table (ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME?!?!). Doctor comes in, checks out my ribs and there’s no visible bruising and she doesn’t seem to think I need xrays so she proceeds in checking me out, and when she hears how long it’s been since a Pap, she decides we should do one. To anyone looking on, it would look like a comedy skit, even though I was definitely being vocal, due to pain. She wanted to help me, so she holds up the paper that will be across me, while I very clumsily try to get off all my bottoms, but she’s so close to me that I barely have room to move, lol.......but I get them down to the floor, she grabs and throws them on chair. She then hands me the little pillow to press against me while she helps me lie back (OMG, I’M GOING TO DIE). She then proceeds to give me what I can only call, THE MOST PAINFUL GYN EXAM I’ve ever had in my life!! I don’t know what she did to me, but DAMN!!! Well universe.......please tell me what I’ve done to deserve these past 2 months!!!!!!! Getting up from the table was excruciating and now I was in horrible pain from more than just one area!!! Since I’ve been fasting, a girl takes my blood. I’m handed 2 choices for a colonoscopy (crap, can’t she just let this go?). Well there’s no way I can get up on another table and move around with my ribs in this shape, so I’m going for Door #2 (which is a kit I’d never heard of). But of course I’m told that if I choose Door #2, I still will have to have a colonoscopy when my ribs heal up. She didn’t have mammogram results but I told her I’d gotten a letter the day before and it stated everything was fine. She had skipped the obligatory mammo exam since she’d just had me get a mammogram.
14. I read up on bruised ribs and can’t believe how long it can take to heal. So universe, while I’m waiting for ribs to heal some and trying desperately to catch up on my work (still at a snail’s pace) can you please inform me of the joke because I don’t seem to get the punch line!
15. Spiritually I know the universe is NOT out to get me. God totally has my back....I know this to be true. What I don’t know is what am I missing? Everything happens for a reason, right? In the meantime, I have to see if our insurance covers my substitute colonoscopy and I need to make eye exam appointments for us. Oh yeah, in there somewhere on July 29, I turned another year older. Yippee!
later,
sandy
